17-year-old-me: Umm…I think you meant “so much to which to look forward” right?
Me: Good god, quit! Sometimes ending a sentence in a preposition isn’t all that painful, and sometimes it just sounds better, and sometimes it’s okay, even if it’s not technically right. You really annoy me, you know that? Especially because I am super jealous of you right now.
17-year-old Me: Is it because you think I am smarter, pretty, more awesome and better at grammar than you and you’re just a boring almost-thirty-year-old?
Me: I think you are 17 and an idiot.
17-year-old-me: Then what?
Me: I’m jealous because you don’t have any idea about all the awesome entertainment that will be coming your way in the next ten years that you still get to experience for the first time. Like Harry Potter!!! I’d give anything to read Harry Potter again for the first time.
17-year-old-me: I saw that book while I was babysitting – for children…because it’s a children‘s book. When I go to college and onward, I have pretty serious plans to read pretty serious literature. Are you joking with this Harry Potter stuff?
Me: OMG you just have no idea about anything!
17-year-old-me: What is “OMG”?
Me: OMG you don’t know OMG? But I am a children‘s librarian, did you forget? I pretty much only read books for children and teenagers now. It’s amaaaah-zing.
17-year-old-me: Why did you right “amazing” like “amaaaaaah-zing”?
Me: It’s from a show you’ll like called Happy Endings. It won’t be on for another eleven years.
17-year-old-me: Okay, so what else?
Me: Well, you’ll discover YA literature, as discussed. You’ll get to watch your first cycle of America’s Next Top Model (you don’t even know how to SMIZE yet)…Veronica Mars season 1…The OC Season 1! And Downton Abbey – you’ll even make the theme from that one your ringtone!
17-year-old Me: My “ringtone”?
Me: On your cellphone…people have cell phones in your world, you know…get with it. Then, you still get to see Love Actually in the theater FOUR times. You will cry very hard for the first 15 minutes of Up. You will try so hard to figure out if Inception ends in a dream or in reality and you will never ever know! And the first time you see a trailer for National Treasure? You’re gonna plotz! Oh man, plus you will get so excited when you find out that Johnny Depp will be in a pirate movie with ORLANDO BLOOM!
17 year-old Me: Who?
Me: You’ll get to discover ORLANDO BLOOM! See?
FACT: you will one day cut out and fasten this very magazine page to a bulletin board in your dorm room!
17-year-old Me: Oooooohhhhh…
Me: Just wait till you see him as an elf. Which means you’ll get to see Lord of the Rings! And you’ll finally read Lord of the Rings and they are so good.
17-year-old Me: At least I’ve heard of that…
Me: You’ll get to see The Single Ladies [Put a Ring on It] music video and hear Regina Spektor sing Real Love and learn that Otis Redding’s These Arms of Mine is, like, the best song ever! OOHHH – you’ll discover Charlieissocoollike and Alex Day on Youtube!
17-year-old-me: Wait, what’s Youtube?
Me: OMG you don’t even have Youtube yet!!! You are SO LUCKY!! You’ll get to discover YOUTUBE!!!! Christian the Lion – Krabstickz’ Nazi Gold – all those Dear Sister parodies -Honey Badger Don’t Care – The Bed Intruder – David After Dentist – Sassy Gay Friend – Charlie Bit Me – Kitty is a Bad Mystic – Twin Baby Boys Having a Conversation – Oo-de-Lally sung in every single language you can imagine!
17-year-old Me: Okay, you need to slow down a lit-
Me: BROTHERHOOD 2.0 HANK AND JOHN GREEN THE VLOGBROTHERS OMG THEY WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!!
17-year-old Me: You aren’t even making sense anymore.
ME: YOU WILL GET TO WATCH THE LAST FIVE FRAKKING MINUTES OF SEASON THREE OF BATTLESTAR GALACTICA AGAIN AND EXPERIENCE THE BEST FIVE FRAKKING MINUTES OF TELEVISION YOU HAVE EVER SEEN OR LIKELY WILL EVER SEE AGAIN! YOU WILL START OUT NOT KNOWING WHO ANY OF THE CYLONS ARE!!!
17-year-old Me: QUIT IT!!! Frakking? Cylons? You are frakking me out…whatever that means…but I think I probably used it right, right?
Me: Whoa. Yeah, sorry about that. I just…got carried away. You have things to look forward to in the next decade, is what I am saying.
17-year-old Me: That is actually a really nice thing to hear. I kind of want you to…calmly and less scarily…tell me more…
Me: SPOILERS! Haha – get it? I mean, of course you don’t get it yet. “Hello Sweetie!!!” Haha! River Song!?!?! Doctor Who!! DALEKS!!!
17-year-old Me: You’re doing it again.
Me: Sorry! I meant that I can’t tell you too much – it will spoil it all. Here is a clip that helped inspire me to do this whole theme week; it also includes John Green who will change your life and the much discussed “Youtube” that you will so enjoy and Battlestar Frakking Galactica. You only need to watch the first 15 seconds to get my point, unless you want to keep going just because it’s a good interesting video.