“The feelings aren’t fictional but the guys are…”


Today as I was watching some Youtube videos, a suggestion on the side came up for a video entitled “10 Hottest Animated Guys.”

(Yes, my Youtube viewing habits led to that as a suggestion and no, I will not share how I got there.)

(Okay, fine, it was by watching Oo-de-lally from Robin Hood in languages other than English.  You should try it.)

So I watched this video, naturally, and the list was fairly mediocre.  It included some different types of cartoons than I usually consider (i.e. anime) but then it also featured Pips from Ferngully.  I mean, not even Zack the Human, but Pips the Fairy.  I suppose now that I am an adult, and I happen to love a ginger and he is voiced by Christian Slater, I can see how Pips might be a better choice.  But still, no one from FernGully makes my list at all (although that Hexxus…kind of a hottie, am I right?!?)

So I thought that even though I made this list once on my old Myspace Blog, I’d do it again only it will probably change because even I don’t remember who I put on it and there’s at least one new guy on here for sure.

Also, this launches Fictional Crushes Week, which features the tagline: the feelings aren’t fictional but the guys are. Stayed tuned for future editions including Childhood Crushes, Movie Crushes, Book Crushes, Television Crushes and…probably that’s it.

My Crushworthiest Animated Guys (probably not 10 of them):

  • Robin Hood – I mean, you already knew I was going to include him right?  “He’s such a FOX!” is a joke everyone, ever has made before.  But seriously, he is.  And absolutely the epitome of cool, and the foundation upon which my Robin Hood obsession is built.

I think he may also be the reason I love Renaissance Faires so much.

  • Demitri – To this day I find rolled up shirt-sleeves one of the sexiest sartorial choices a man can make- that’s the kind of profound effect Demitri has had on my life.

So many layers! Both on his torso, and in his heart.

  • Prince Lir – Okay, actually I was only so-so on him, but as a child I thought the sun rose and set on how stunningly beautiful Lady Amalthea/The Unicorn is.  I wanted to BE her and being her meant having the love of a man like Lir. Also, I find that adult me likes the longness of Lir’s face more than I did as a child even if the haunted feelings of sadness and confusion their love story left me with remain unchanged.

She has purple goddamn eyes and the flowingest white hair imaginable. How could I not want to be her?!?

  • Flynn Rider – Eugene Fitzherbert is awesome.  From the smolder to the impeccably animated eyebrows, I love him.  Plus he’s funny and his voice is awesome and I watch Tangled like once a week and never, ever ever get sick of him.  Truth.

Yeah, I only first saw him when I was 27 years old. So?

  • Justin – He’s from the Secret of NIMH, which is another 80s animated movie that left me feeling haunted, sad and confused, even though it ends happy (I think?).  Anyway, Justin’s a rat, but he’s a hottie all the same.  And also, the last non-human fella I will put on this list, I think.


  • Chalky – He was the easy-going jock to Doug Funny’s awkward nerd, sure.  But he also had a heart of gold, was great at school and suffered from serious pressure at home that had a humanizing effect on the otherwise too-good-to-true green-faced star student-athlete of Beebe Bluff Middle School.  Also, I loved him.

He was very cool. Look at his hair.

  • The Prince who was a Beast (whose name is apparently Prince Adam) – I used to go for Phillip from Sleeping Beauty but The Beast has way more personality and now that I am an adult, I get that he’s a handsome guy.  As a child I was all, ohhhh his hair’s long and he has lady-lips but now I get it.  Also, look at those arms and the broadness of those shoulders! Plus when he kisses Belle they float into the air and the wind swirls around them, and aren’t there even magical sparks flying around?!? Yeah, I get it now.

Arms. Shoulders. Sparks and shit. Yeah.

And that’s my list because I’ve been working on this for a long time, and I have to go watch some TV now.  Who’d I leave off according to your list (besides the guy from the Iron Giant which I haven’t seen but will see someday, okay)?  Conversely, if you are a dude who likes ladies, who would be on your animated-lady-list?




Do the iPod Shuffle


Welcome to “Hey!  My iPod is on Shuffle Week”, in which I put my iPod on shuffle, and share the first one to three songs that come up, discuss my history with those songs and then try to justify my awful taste (or impress you with my excellent taste, depending on what kind of mood my iPod is in).

what secrets shall my shuffle reveal?

Let’s just jump in, shall we?  iPod’s on Shuffle…and….GO!

Song #1: “That Thing You Do!” by the Oneders (later Wonders) from the That Thing You Do! Soundtrack

My history with this song: Seriously – of all the songs to come up first?!?  I saw the movie That Thing You Do! on a “group date” in 8th grade with my then boyfriend Richard, which was my first date ever (even if it was only a pseudo-date).  We sat close, and he put his arm around me and it was nice.  In retrospect I strongly suspect he was trying to figure out a way to grope my chest (he was unsuccessful), but at the time I was blissfully unaware of any potential hidden agendas.  That night was also the night of my first kiss, which happened outside the Apple Valley movie theater while we waited for our rides; it was really nice – no tongues or anything, just pleasantness.  The next day I went to the mall with the girls  who had also been on the group date with me and we all bought the “That Thing You Do!” single on cassette tape.  Ahhh, the winter of 1997.

Awful Taste or Great Taste?  Tough call, right?  This song has so much personal history for me, and you cannot deny that it is catchy so I can’t see myself having to justify it.  Then again, that movie was pretty awful and it is kind of a silly song – too close to call, I say.

Song #2: “Maid Marion” composed by Michael Kamen off the Robin Hood:Prince of Thieves Soundtrack

My History with this song: When I came up with this theme week, my first thought was, “I bet that iPod is going to spit out some Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves Soundtrack music” and lo – out it comes second.  As you probably know about me, I loved that movie when I first saw it at the age of 8 and I still love it, a lot.  I own it on special-edition 2-disc DVD.  I just watched it last night, in fact, in a completely weird bit of coincidence (I was seriously jonesing for some Alan Rickman after watching Harry Potter).  So when I say that I love the soundtrack perhaps even more than the movie, you gotta know that means something.  Apart from the fact that it has my favorite song “Everything I Do [I Do It For You]” on it, the score is beautiful and Robin Hood-y and wonderful.  I actually also owned this one on cassette tape, and then I bought it again on CD before transferring the entire soundtrack to my iPod. The “Maid Marion” theme incorporates the melody from “Everything I Do [I Do It For You]”, initially played on oboe, until the sweeping swell of the strings takes it away.  GORGEOUS!

Awful or Great? I’m sorry, but any haters out there have me contend with – you should be impressed by my great taste right now, and I will defend this movie/score/track till the day I die.


Song #3: “Gimmeakiss” by the Avett Brothers off the album Four Thieves Gone

My history with this song: I like the Avett Brothers a lot, having gotten into them when Tess and I were going to go to the Newport Folk Fest two years ago where they were performing (which we didn’t end up doing).  I really like this song – I like the singer’s rough, shouty voice and I like the lyrics.  I don’t have much of a personal history with this song – I listened to the whole album Four Thieves Gone in the last month or so of school during the first year at my job. As I counted down the weeks until summer, this album gave me a sense of summer-y excitement that I suppose I still associate with it.  Still – I mostly just like it.

Awful/Great?  Great, obviously.  The Avett Brothers are one of the bands that lend an air of respectability to my otherwise sort of silly iPod contents.

And that does it for today.  Tune in later in the week as I delve further into the heart of my iPod and explore my mostly amazing taste in music.

Robin Hood, The Shiba Inu Puppy


This is Robin Hood, my completely pretend Shiba Inu puppy.  He is so named because he looks like a fox, and also because Robin Hood is my favorite thing.

besides a shiba inu puppy, I also have some pretty sweet huaraches in this version of my life.

In the life where Robin Hood is my puppy, I live in Concord, Massachusetts and make a very nice living as a writer of young adult fiction.  Maybe I live in a house like this:

my hostas are really thriving this year

Okay probably not, as that is Orchard House, historical home of the Alcott family.  But maybe I live in a house near it.

Starting around March/April, I daily don a wetsuit and swim the entire length and breadth of Walden Pond, which is a thing people do.

Sometimes Robin Hood comes for walks with me in the woods and I sing Oo-de-lally to myself (in a variety of languages), because here it is, Robin Hood and me walking through the forest.  Maybe not laughing back and forth at what the other one has to say, precisely, but certainly having such a good time.

Remember that you, too, can share your imaginary lives with your imaginary puppies here at fauxspectacles this week, unless your imaginary puppy is a cat, in which case I don’t want to hear about it.  You can also watch this excellent video, in which this dog pretends that he can talk!!!