I have been accused of being a hipster. I am not one.
One item of evidence that has been furnished against me was that I wear fake glasses. Obviously, I do this. My blog is named fauxspectacles; I like fake glasses.
To combat this piece of evidence, I find myself in the greatest Catch-22 of my life:
See, I’ve been wearing fake glasses since my freshman year of college. That’s ELEVEN years ago, guys. My love of fake glasses has always sprung from a desire to have REAL glasses, which started when I was a child and I would tell my mother I was plagued by headaches and needed to see the eye doctor because I really needed glasses even though my vision was fine. I would gladly trade my fake glasses for real ones in a second.
But anyway, the main point is that I have been wearing fake glasses for over a decade, before hipsters were even really a thing.
I wore fake glasses BEFORE IT WAS COOL, is what I am saying.
And in an instant, my entire argument against hipsterdom falls apart, you see?
Also, an otter:
Otters, man. Otters.
Here are some rubbish theme ideas I’ve had. Read them, and tell me which ones you think are the least rubbish, and maybe that’s what I’ll write about soon because right now I have no theme.
- Do You Want to Hear What I Ate Today? Week in which I, like a girl on a diet except I am clearly not on a diet, share all the foods I ate that day with you. Then you, like any rational person, are appalled at the number of burritos and ice cream sandwiches that turn up throughout the week. For example, for the last 3 days it would have been 3 and 6, respectively.
- On a related note, I was thinking Burrito Week or Ice Cream Sandwich Week
- Tahmoh Penniket Week would be characterized by a lot of omg omg sigh sigh sigh swoon swooning and not much intelligent discourse. He plays Helo on Battlestar Galactica and Agent Paul Ballard on Dollhouse and he is very much on my mind these days seeing as how he is the only man I will ever truly love. FACT.
- Maybe I ought to try something abstracter, like The Wind Week and try to come up with something to say about The Wind.
- Cute Baby Animals Week – because we all love cute baby animals, you know? Sloths and Otters will feature prominently.
THIS OTTER IS HOLDING ANOTHER OTTER!
- I have been meaning to do a Nora Roberts Week because I love her books, and I recently acquired some jewel-toned throw pillows. During the proposed Nora Roberts Week, you would naturally learn why the throw-pillow thing is relevant. This would be good for summer time, because I have no doubt that Nora Roberts will inspire me to write long, detailed posts, one of which will almost certainly need to involve Photoshop.
- Mermaid Week or Unicorn Week or Some Other Mythological Creature Week – I don’t know what I would say about these things. Just they probably deserve a week or something, right?
Hipster Ariel would never admit it, but she thinks Mermaid Week is a great idea.
P.S. Hipster Disney Princesses is MY FAVORITE THING
- Olympics Week, I am just realizing, would have been very appropriate for this week. I usually get really into the summer Olympics but this year…not so much. I blame my television, for not having any channels on it any more.
- How Can I Get the Drawers in the Dresser I Bought at the Salvation Army To Not Smell? Week Seriously – I cleaned them, sprayed them with bleach, let them sit in the sun for ages, and put sachets I made out of baking soda wrapped in knee highs in the drawers and still, there is a reek. How can I get the drawers in the dresser I bought at the Salvation Army to not smell?
I dunno why but I really believed these would work.
If I don’t pick a theme soon, I’m this close to just changing the name of this blog to Otter Babies and Ice Cream Sandwiches, and everyday I will post a picture of an otter baby and eat an ice cream sandwich, the latter of which you will not really get to experience through the blog but you will know it is happening.
Did I mention yet that THIS OTTER IS HOLDING ANOTHER OTTER?
Holding. Another. Otter.