my heart going boom boom boom

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At this point I think it’s obvious, but Fictional Crushes Week is actually going to be Fictional Crushes Two Weeks, because I quit blogging halfway through last week for no reason at all.  Literally no reason – it’s not like I do anything with my time these days besides absolutely nothing.

Today is going to be Fictional Crushes: BOOKS.

Book crushes are tricky, because I want to share images of these guys but it turns out that none of them will be from picture books so I find myself with a problem.  I’ve decided the solution is to use a mix of fan art (YES THAT’S RIGHT! Gird yourselves for some serious manga-inspired drawings, friends) and where that doesn’t work, pictures of celebrities culled from my imaginary casting couch.

Also fair warning – probably most or all of these will be teenagers.  Maybe you will think that is weird of me, but at least some of the crushes come from when I was a teenager and anyway, I don’t read books with characters older than 20 so…yeah.

My Biggest Literary Character Crushes!!!

  • Atreyu, The Neverending Story – The hugeness of the 13-year-old me’s crush on Atreyu (and I tell you it was HUGE) sort of freaks me out – it probably bordered on genuine insanity, but at I guess if it helped me cope with the torment that was middle school it’s okay?   Atreyu is still a very appealing figure to me (aged in my mind to 28, since we were the same age in 1997 after all) – stoic, brave, loyal, tough, nature-oriented, into saving the environment.  The movie did not do him justice, because he is supposed to be green.  Literally, green.

This fan art-er gets it.

  • Cornelius “Neely” Nolan, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn – This book is set in early 20th century Brooklyn, and Neely is attired according to the times.  I will be frank: this is how I pictured Neely Nolan and this is why I had a giant crush on him when I read this book even though he’s not a hugely developed character:

Santa Fe, are you there?

  • Nathaniel Eaton, The Witch of Blackbird Pond – First of all, he is described as tall, wiry and blond which was about all it took for me to have a crush on someone when I was 13.  Plus he is funny and friendly and incredibly dependable, and I love how, as a sailor, he exists outside the Puritanical social structures that sometimes make young adult love stories set in pre-Revolutionary New England so unsatisfying (I’m talking to you, Bridie of the Wild Rose Inn by Jennifer Armstrong).  Also he is hard to find a picture of, since there are no fan arts and googling “cute blond colonial man” gave me nothing (I genuinely tried that).  You must therefore picture him as some combination of Heath Ledger in The Patriot and Ryan Gosling as Young Hercules.

Mostly Gosling, with the outfit on Ledger

  • Peeta Mellark, The Hunger Games – I love how he retained such a genuine sweetness in the midst of such a brutal world, but he did it without seeming like a naive fool.  That is a difficult line to walk and the boy with the bread does it perfectly.

hehehe. so cute, the boy with the bread.

  • Captain Wentworth, Persuasion – An adult at last and another sea-faring man!  I quote for you: “You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope.”  I mean, sigh, am I right?

Even after Anne lost her bloom…

Also, it bears mentioning that I designed that Captain Wentworth using THIS REGENCY HERO DRESS UP DOLL interactive thing and it was the single funnest ten minutes I’ve spent in awhile.  (Sad life?)

  • Ron Weasley, Harry Potter – I cannot really put why I love Ron so much into words.  He uses inappropriate humor to try to diffuse tense situations and he’s always eating, which are things I like.  He’s funny and for the most part he is incredibly loyal and I love a ginger and I dunno what it is, but my collection of homemade Ron Weasley t-shirts are certainly a testament to the fact that this crush is for real.  (p.s. SO MANY Ron Weasley fan arts to choose from!!!)

I picked this because it’s one of my favorite small moments!

  • Sean Kendrick, The Scorpio Races – Sean Kendrick is 19, which feels very significantly less weird than having a crush on someone who is 16 especially since he is frequently described as “the oldest 19 year old” anyone in the story seems to have ever met.  He cuts a very romantic figure – all sharp features, strong and silent, with “one foot on land and another in the sea” (I seem to really have a thing for sea-faring men, yeah?) and he is very talented at riding the horse-monsters, which is what this book is about.  READ IT because it is totally good.  Also, I cannot help but picture Sean Kendrick in an Irish fisherman’s sweater, which is one of my favorite ways to picture men.

This is a fair-ish representation of the Sean Kendrick in my head, but for the preternaturally long neck.

  • Eugenides (“Gen”) – The Thief, The Queen of Attolia, etc. – Gen is a mix of humor, intensity, and cleverness.  He is deeply flawed and yet completely winsome.  He is written and developed BRILLIANTLY by Megan Whalen Turner throughout the series of books that may just be my favorite books of all time.  There are things I want to say about Gen that would be too spoiler-y, so just trust me that he’s the greatest and then go on and read those books yourself because did I mention that they are possibly my favorite books of all time?

Favorite. Books. Ever. Maybe.

You know when you’re like, wait, it’s after 2:00 PM right now?!?  And you realize that literally all you’ve done today is write this ridiculous blog post, brew and drink a cup of coffee and try on all your clothes?

That’s when you know it’s time for a burrito.  And also maybe a shower.

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Crushing it!

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I was going to save this one for later in the week, but let’s talk TV Crushes – those characters that get inside your brain and keep you coming back week after week after week for more, sometimes to shows that aren’t even very good.

Here we go: My Biggest TV Character Crushes!

  • Karl “Helo” Agathon, Battlestar Galactica – see, he’s the reason this one got bumped to earlier in the week, because this is it: the week I finally finish BSG, learn who the final Cylon is and try to control myself from lovingly stroking my laptop screen every time Helo’s face comes on it.  I mean, in terms  of personality and character development, he’s certainly not the most well-developed on BSG.  He is the strong and silent type, enjoys taking the moral high road when given the choice and cuts a pretty romantic figure what with his entire plot-line that I won’t spoil for you, but there are long stretches where he doesn’t do much but walk around and press buttons and call out military orders, you know?  Still though:

So say we all: YOWZA!

  • Pacey Witter, Dawson’s Creek – I mean, obviously.

Obviously

  •  Logan Echolls, Veronica Mars – Something about a bad boy with a vulnerable side. He started out as such an obnoxious asshole of a character and managed to turn into one of the most lovable and heartbreaking TV characters I have ever known.  I used to marvel at his face’s incredibly capacity for expressing emotions, particularly longing and pain.  Plus he’s very tall and broad and boy did he love Veronica.

Love the necklace, especially.

  • Mr. Bates, Downton Abbey – He’s not the best looking on this list, and yes, he’s a bit crippled (but as Anna says, “not very crippled”).  But ask yourself – did he kill his wife?  You know he didn’t, because he is the best man in the entire world, EVER.

Yeah, I went for it instead of a photograph.

  • Luke Danes, Gilmore Girls – Holy smokes, guys, I think we’ve just traced “my type” back to its origin.

I also like his personality, in case you were wondering.

  • Rupert Giles, Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Okay, okay, when I originally watched this show my crush was Xander and then Spike but honestly, I always knew that I found Giles sexy even when I was 15 years old.  He has a core of bad-ass and scholar, wrapped in a tweed waist-coat; the librarian in me swoons.

His nickname as a youthful miscreant was “Ripper” but now he is a school librarian!

  • Zach Morris – All those schemes and the ability to stop time and that blond blond hair.  Siiiiigh.

‘Sup, Preppy?

  • Eric Gotts, Wonderfalls – Mostly it’s just his face, but a little bit about how nice he is and what an amazingly, exceptionally good show Wonderfalls is.

Save him from her!

  • Ned the Pie Maker, Pushing Daisies – 1. He makes pies 2. He’s wonderful 3. He cannot touch people and it’s the saddest thing. 4. He makes pies.

Oh to be Lonely Tourist Charlotte Charles.

  • Cappie, Greek – My biggest EVER TV crush, did you know?  The “Rob Thomas hair” and the secret smarts and also he loves pie and I cannot do him justice in words, I’ve realized!  I include a Youtube clip of Cappie-lights, which doesn’t even come close to doing him justice either, but unless you go start watching Greek it is the best we’ve got.  Also, you should go start watching Greek.

Might I recommend a Cappie-cino?

“The feelings aren’t fictional but the guys are…”

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Today as I was watching some Youtube videos, a suggestion on the side came up for a video entitled “10 Hottest Animated Guys.”

(Yes, my Youtube viewing habits led to that as a suggestion and no, I will not share how I got there.)

(Okay, fine, it was by watching Oo-de-lally from Robin Hood in languages other than English.  You should try it.)

So I watched this video, naturally, and the list was fairly mediocre.  It included some different types of cartoons than I usually consider (i.e. anime) but then it also featured Pips from Ferngully.  I mean, not even Zack the Human, but Pips the Fairy.  I suppose now that I am an adult, and I happen to love a ginger and he is voiced by Christian Slater, I can see how Pips might be a better choice.  But still, no one from FernGully makes my list at all (although that Hexxus…kind of a hottie, am I right?!?)

So I thought that even though I made this list once on my old Myspace Blog, I’d do it again only it will probably change because even I don’t remember who I put on it and there’s at least one new guy on here for sure.

Also, this launches Fictional Crushes Week, which features the tagline: the feelings aren’t fictional but the guys are. Stayed tuned for future editions including Childhood Crushes, Movie Crushes, Book Crushes, Television Crushes and…probably that’s it.

My Crushworthiest Animated Guys (probably not 10 of them):

  • Robin Hood – I mean, you already knew I was going to include him right?  “He’s such a FOX!” is a joke everyone, ever has made before.  But seriously, he is.  And absolutely the epitome of cool, and the foundation upon which my Robin Hood obsession is built.

I think he may also be the reason I love Renaissance Faires so much.

  • Demitri – To this day I find rolled up shirt-sleeves one of the sexiest sartorial choices a man can make- that’s the kind of profound effect Demitri has had on my life.

So many layers! Both on his torso, and in his heart.

  • Prince Lir – Okay, actually I was only so-so on him, but as a child I thought the sun rose and set on how stunningly beautiful Lady Amalthea/The Unicorn is.  I wanted to BE her and being her meant having the love of a man like Lir. Also, I find that adult me likes the longness of Lir’s face more than I did as a child even if the haunted feelings of sadness and confusion their love story left me with remain unchanged.

She has purple goddamn eyes and the flowingest white hair imaginable. How could I not want to be her?!?

  • Flynn Rider – Eugene Fitzherbert is awesome.  From the smolder to the impeccably animated eyebrows, I love him.  Plus he’s funny and his voice is awesome and I watch Tangled like once a week and never, ever ever get sick of him.  Truth.

Yeah, I only first saw him when I was 27 years old. So?

  • Justin – He’s from the Secret of NIMH, which is another 80s animated movie that left me feeling haunted, sad and confused, even though it ends happy (I think?).  Anyway, Justin’s a rat, but he’s a hottie all the same.  And also, the last non-human fella I will put on this list, I think.

Adorbs!

  • Chalky – He was the easy-going jock to Doug Funny’s awkward nerd, sure.  But he also had a heart of gold, was great at school and suffered from serious pressure at home that had a humanizing effect on the otherwise too-good-to-true green-faced star student-athlete of Beebe Bluff Middle School.  Also, I loved him.

He was very cool. Look at his hair.

  • The Prince who was a Beast (whose name is apparently Prince Adam) – I used to go for Phillip from Sleeping Beauty but The Beast has way more personality and now that I am an adult, I get that he’s a handsome guy.  As a child I was all, ohhhh his hair’s long and he has lady-lips but now I get it.  Also, look at those arms and the broadness of those shoulders! Plus when he kisses Belle they float into the air and the wind swirls around them, and aren’t there even magical sparks flying around?!? Yeah, I get it now.

Arms. Shoulders. Sparks and shit. Yeah.

And that’s my list because I’ve been working on this for a long time, and I have to go watch some TV now.  Who’d I leave off according to your list (besides the guy from the Iron Giant which I haven’t seen but will see someday, okay)?  Conversely, if you are a dude who likes ladies, who would be on your animated-lady-list?