So much to look forward to

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17-year-old-me: Umm…I think you meant “so much to which to look forward” right?

Me: Good god, quit!  Sometimes ending a sentence in a preposition isn’t all that painful, and sometimes it just sounds better, and sometimes it’s okay, even if it’s not technically right.  You really annoy me, you know that?  Especially because I am super jealous of you right now.

17-year-old Me: Is it because you think I am smarter, pretty,  more awesome and better at grammar than you and you’re just a boring almost-thirty-year-old?

Me: I think you are 17 and an idiot.

17-year-old-me: Then what?

Me: I’m jealous because you don’t have any idea about all the awesome entertainment that will be coming your way in the next ten years that you still get to experience for the first time.  Like Harry Potter!!!  I’d give anything to read Harry Potter again for the first time.

17-year-old-me:  I saw that book while I was babysitting – for children…because it’s a children‘s book.  When I go to college and onward, I have pretty serious plans to read pretty serious literature.  Are you joking with this Harry Potter stuff?

Me: OMG you just have no idea about anything!

17-year-old-me: What is “OMG”?

Me: OMG you don’t know OMG?  But I am a children‘s librarian, did you forget?  I pretty much only read books for children and teenagers now.  It’s amaaaah-zing.

17-year-old-me:  Why did you right “amazing” like “amaaaaaah-zing”?

Me: It’s from a show you’ll like called Happy Endings. It won’t be on for another eleven years.

17-year-old-me:  Okay, so what else?

Me: Well, you’ll discover YA literature, as discussed.   You’ll get to watch your first cycle of America’s Next Top Model  (you don’t even know how to SMIZE yet)…Veronica Mars season 1…The OC Season 1!  And Downton Abbey – you’ll even make the theme from that one your ringtone!

17-year-old Me: My “ringtone”?

Me: On your cellphone…people have cell phones in your world, you know…get with it.  Then, you still get to see Love Actually in the theater FOUR times.  You will cry very hard for the first 15 minutes of Up.  You will try so hard to figure out if Inception ends in a dream or in reality and you will never ever know!  And the first time you see a trailer for National Treasure?  You’re gonna plotz!  Oh man, plus you will get so excited when you find out that Johnny Depp will be in a pirate movie with ORLANDO BLOOM!

17 year-old Me: Who?

Me: You’ll get to discover ORLANDO BLOOM!  See?

FACT: you will one day cut out and fasten this very magazine page to a bulletin board in your dorm room!

17-year-old Me: Oooooohhhhh…

Me: Just wait till you see him as an elf.  Which means you’ll get to see Lord of the Rings!  And you’ll finally read Lord of the Rings and they are so good.

17-year-old Me: At least I’ve heard of that…

Me: You’ll get to see The Single Ladies [Put a Ring on It] music video and hear Regina Spektor sing Real Love and learn that Otis Redding’s These Arms of Mine is, like, the best song ever! OOHHH – you’ll discover Charlieissocoollike and Alex Day on Youtube!

 

17-year-old-me: Wait, what’s Youtube?

Me: OMG you don’t even have Youtube yet!!!  You are SO LUCKY!!  You’ll get to discover YOUTUBE!!!!  Christian the Lion – Krabstickz’ Nazi Gold – all those Dear Sister parodies -Honey Badger Don’t Care – The Bed Intruder – David After Dentist – Sassy Gay Friend – Charlie Bit Me – Kitty is a Bad Mystic – Twin Baby Boys Having a Conversation – Oo-de-Lally sung in every single language you can imagine!

17-year-old Me: Okay, you need to slow down a lit-

Me: BROTHERHOOD 2.0 HANK AND JOHN GREEN THE VLOGBROTHERS OMG THEY WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!!

17-year-old Me: You aren’t even making sense anymore.

ME: YOU WILL GET TO WATCH THE LAST FIVE FRAKKING MINUTES OF SEASON THREE OF BATTLESTAR GALACTICA AGAIN AND EXPERIENCE THE BEST FIVE FRAKKING MINUTES OF TELEVISION YOU HAVE EVER SEEN OR LIKELY WILL EVER SEE AGAIN!  YOU WILL START OUT NOT KNOWING WHO ANY OF THE CYLONS ARE!!!

17-year-old Me: QUIT IT!!!  Frakking?  Cylons?  You are frakking me out…whatever that means…but I think I probably used it right, right?

Me: Whoa.  Yeah, sorry about that.  I just…got carried away.  You have things to look forward to in the next decade, is what I am saying.

17-year-old Me: That is actually a really nice thing to hear.  I kind of want you to…calmly and less scarily…tell me more…

Me: SPOILERS!  Haha – get it? I mean, of course you don’t get it yet. “Hello Sweetie!!!”  Haha!  River Song!?!?!  Doctor Who!!  DALEKS!!!

17-year-old Me: You’re doing it again.

Me: Sorry!  I meant that I can’t tell you too much – it will spoil it all.  Here is a clip that helped inspire me to do this whole theme week; it also includes John Green who will change your life and the much discussed “Youtube” that you will so enjoy and Battlestar Frakking GalacticaYou only need to watch the first 15 seconds to get my point, unless you want to keep going just because it’s a good interesting video.

 

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The Doctor, a mutt

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This is my completely pretend puppy The Doctor, who is a mutt that I adopted from the local animal shelter.  He is named The Doctor because I love Doctor Who, but Dalek Puppy seemed like too silly a name for any dog.

If I didn't currently live above a dentist's office, I'd adopt him today.

In the life where The Doctor is my puppy, I live on the East Side of Providence.  I work as an elementary school library media specialist.  In my spare time I watch too much streaming TV on Netflix, read young adult books, grow my own vegetables and otherwise start a variety of fun and creative projects that remain in various stages of completion (mostly leaning heavily on the side of “incomplete”).

It is a pretty nice life, I suppose, and quite similar to the one I currently lead except that in this life I don’t live above a dentist’s office and I can afford to have a puppy.

Also, Andria’s pretend puppy story, plus one of the greatest puppy pictures I’ve ever seen that she sent to go along with it:

My dog, Nigel, is a Pembroke Welsh Corgi who is descended from the same line as the Queen of England. That means he is aristocratic, and a bit of an asshole, but he loves me exclusively. We divide our time between my country estate where I pen novels, essays and articles about profound things and silly things that I make seem profound; and our London estate where I stay when I have to take a lot of meetings with my editor and during the theatre/ ballet season.

**And when I say my dog is descended from the Queen of England, I mean descended from her dogs, not herself.

it's a dog...riding a horse!

Also, Ewok Puppy!!!!!

this puppy is pretending to be an ewok

I feel like I didn’t get to half of what I wanted to talk about during Pretend Puppy Week, having focused so fully on my own personal pretend puppies instead of all the other kinds of pretend puppies out in the world (I’m talking about you, Chinese panda puppies!).  The upshot of that is that you can someday expect Pretend Puppy Week 2: More Pretend Puppies!  I’ll save that week for later though, as I am currently looking forward to Covers Week, which starts tomorrow.

Namaste

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Welcome to yoga week*!

This evening (and probably the reason why yoga is our theme) I attended my first yoga class in about four months.  For a period of about six months last year, I was a Person Who Does Yoga (PWDY).  I took classes, I practiced at home, and I became convinced that I (like Elizabeth Gilbert) would one day abandon my life for a few months to live on an ashram in India.

Alas, as I do with so many things, I fell off the wagon.  Stopped going to classes, stopped practicing at home, and faced the cold hard truth that Elizabeth Gilbert’s life is ridiculous and that I will continue to live in an apartment in Rhode Island and hold down a job because there are no publishing companies about to give me a jumbo cash advance so that I can live for a few months on an ashram in India.

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