I mixed up all this fake puke at home…

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Confession: I HAVE LYME DISEASE!

Well, that is not exactly a confession and I very well may not have Lyme disease at all.  But I found a tick on my tummy which I had left to feast on me for FOUR DAYS because I had mistaken it for a beauty mark (or mole, or whatever we are calling those little brown spots I have scattered across my arms, mid-section and a little bit on my legs these days) until today when I was like, “You know, this guy is new I don’t think I’ve seen it bef- OH MY GOD IT HAS LEGS!!!!”

Gross.

Annnyway.  Rapid-fire confessions because today is going to be the final day of Confessions (Half-of-a) Week:

Confession: Hey Soul Sister by Train is a song that I like.  I like it.  There.

Confession: I used to read Harry Potter fan fiction.  Like LOTS of it, but only stories in which Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley fall in love and/or get it on.  May I suggest The Fire and Ice Archive for all your D/G shipping needs?

That is probably the only confession I feel truly embarrassed to make.

Although I still really like the Fan-Art banner across the top of the Fire and Ice Archive.

Confession: Once I visited a certain famous historic town in Massachusetts and knocked over the street sign for a street named after a very famous American author with my Volvo and I just kept driving because I couldn’t afford to pay a fine.

This may or may not be a portrait of the author whose eponymous street sign I may or may not have destroyed.

Confession: When I sweep my floors, if there are coins in the mess I can never be bothered to fish them out.  This means I have probably thrown out god knows how many dollars worth of change in my life all because I don’t feel like bending over.  Good news is that I don’t sweep my floors very often!  Also, quarters are an exception to this.

Confession: The other night I put on High School Musical on Netflix for background noise while I read a book, but then I did not even read a single page of my book and just watched High School Musical.

I’d also like to add that High School Musical is a good movie.  Also Zac Efron is totally DREAMY.  Also I still cannot believe how totally bullshit it is that Troy and Gabriella never even kiss!!!

Confession: After I was done with High School Musical, I put on High School Musical 2 and fast forwarded to the part where Troy and Gabriella finally get their kiss.  Yes, I did.

Do you have any confessions you like to share?  I’d like to hear them if you do!

And finally:

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The Bacon Story and Other Food Confessions

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If you know me, you likely already know the very sad, very true story about me and the buffet bacon.  Even though it’s not super-secret I still think it makes for a decent confession, as do these other stories of atrocities committed by me against the world of food and healthy eating.

Confession 1: I once ate 20 pieces (AT LEAST) of bacon from a brunch buffet in one sitting.

As I remember it, the bacon was extra delicious that day. After taking two pieces on my plate along with other regular brunch foods I was drawn back to the buffet tray for more…again and again and again, etc.

What makes this story so very excellent is that the following day I went in for blood work to have my cholesterol tested.  When the results came back the doctor was like, “The enormous level of your triglycerides defies belief and alarms me.”   I didn’t want to ask, “Could the fact that I ate 20 pieces of bacon the day prior to my blood work have caused a large spike in my triglycerides?” because ew, that’s a gross thing to have done and admit to a medical doctor.  Instead I consulted with a nutritionist (who said things akin to “do not eat 20 pieces of buffet bacon in one sitting”) and I “ate healthy” and returned to retake my cholesterol test in a couple weeks; they found such a significant drop in my triglycerides over such a short time that they were truly puzzled by the results.

Because of this story, my mother once told me that this clip (especially around 1:45-ish) makes her think of me:

 

Confession 2: I put salt on Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

I also sometimes will throw a little into my Ramen Cup Noodles, other canned soups, Chinese food and any number of other processed foods that are already ridiculously high in sodium.  Salt makes everything, even already salty things, taste better.

In case you are starting to seriously fret over my health, let me assure you that the bacon thing was a fluke, and that I eat processed foods such as those listed above so very, very rarely that I do not think there is much cause for concern.

In fact…

Confession 3: Excepting school holidays, I eat a salad for lunch or dinner almost every single day.

That’s a curve ball, isn’t it?  I imagine that this is probably the shocking-est food confession of mine, as I am not even close to as unhealthy as I seem from casual anecdotes. I also eat a pear, a banana, organic sprouted-grain toast and all-natural no-sugar-added peanut butter virtually every day as well.  Let’s not spread that around too much, though, as I have a revolting reputation as a junk food junkie to uphold.

That said…

Confession 4: I once found a piece of wrapped candy on the floor of a Borders Book Store and I picked it up and I ate it.

I really have nothing to say for this one, other than that it’s a shame that it went down like it did.

Confessions Week

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Confession: I completely forgot about the existence of this website for the last three or so months.

I can try to justify it by saying that my hard drive died and I had been putting off the repair and didn’t feel like blogging from my iPhone or my sister’s computer.  Those things are true, but the more important truth is that I just forgot.

I’m back now with a new hard drive and a spirit of contrition.  I’d like to christen this Confessions Week, during which time I will confess to you some of my sins in atonement for my gross neglect.

I will not be confessing anything too sin-ny.  Even if I had really sin-ny confessions to make (which I probably don’t), I probably wouldn’t choose to share them on a blog.

For today I leave you with something small, but quite possibly unforgivable:

I love the song My Immortal by Evanescence.  I paid $1.29 to download it to my phone, and I just put it on repeat and sang along with it as loud as possible for approximately twenty five minutes of car ride.  I regret none of it.