Semi-wise, semi-regular

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I’ve decided this should be Pull Yourself Together! Week.

The “Yourself” referring, naturally, to me.

You may have noticed that I spend a lot of time telling amusing/appalling anecdotes about eating junk food and being absurdly lazy.  While those are true stories, the truer truth is that most of the time I have my shit together.

Let’s not carried away: even at my best I am not someone you would show in a motivational setting as a shining beacon of How You Should Live.  But I am, for the most part, a productive and functioning member of society, who makes semi-wise life choices on a semi-regular basis.

Except for times when I do not.

Times like when I eat 12 ice cream sandwiches in a week, I forgo exercising regularly, I snooze my alarm clock too much, I forget to charge my electric toothbrush, I stop answering emails, I don’t change my sheets at particularly appropriate intervals, I watch entire seasons of television in unacceptably small windows of time, I abandon any and all creative projects, I fail to nurture my interpersonal relationships, I shower less often than you would like, I go out in public in holey t-shirts and flip-flops.

Other things, probably too, but I think you get the point.

The problem is that many of the things on that list that make me feel like my life has fallen apart in August start out as real treats in June/July:

Snooze that alarm clock for an hour and a half because you don’t really have anywhere to go and your new bedroom is absurdly pleasant for early-morning snoozing?

Awesome.

Eat whatever you want because you have no regular schedule and it is summer, dammit?

Sounds like a plan.

Stop showering, wearing make-up and putting any effort into your clothes because you never go anywhere where you may see people?

Why the heck not!?

Start Battlestar Galactica over again at the beginning because you finally finished and now you MISS IT?

Best frakkin’ idea I’ve ever heard of.

And so on.

As these things begin to pile up, though, they stop being relaxing and fun.  Suddenly I take a look at my life and wonder where it all went.

So with three weeks left in summer, I figure it’s about time I started pulling myself together, lest I show up for the first day of school two hours late, wearing a dirty Ron Weasley t-shirt and toting naught but a bag of Cheetos for lunch.

If you knew the version of me I have become right now, that very scenario would seem dangerously close to realistic.

Updates to follow this week on my success at sorting out the biggest areas needing my attention: food, exercise, sleep schedule, general productivity….

 

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Otter…is holding…ANOTHER OTTER.

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Here are some rubbish theme ideas I’ve had.  Read them, and tell me which ones you think are the least rubbish, and maybe that’s what I’ll write about soon because right now I have no theme.

  • Do You Want to Hear What I Ate Today? Week in which I, like a girl on a diet except I am clearly not on a diet, share all the foods I ate that day with you.  Then you, like any rational person, are appalled at the number of burritos and ice cream sandwiches that turn up throughout the week.  For example, for the last 3 days it would have been 3 and 6, respectively.
  • On a related note, I was thinking Burrito Week or Ice Cream Sandwich Week
  • Tahmoh Penniket Week would be characterized by a lot of omg omg sigh sigh sigh swoon swooning and not much intelligent discourse.  He plays Helo on Battlestar Galactica and Agent Paul Ballard on Dollhouse and he is very much on my mind these days seeing as how he is the only man I will ever truly love.  FACT.
  • Maybe I ought to try something abstracter, like The Wind Week and try to come up with something to say about The Wind.
  • Cute Baby Animals Week – because we all love cute baby animals, you know?  Sloths and Otters will feature prominently.

THIS OTTER IS HOLDING ANOTHER OTTER!

  • I have been meaning to do a Nora Roberts Week because I love her books, and I recently acquired some jewel-toned throw pillows.  During the proposed Nora Roberts Week, you would naturally learn why the throw-pillow thing is relevant.  This would be good for summer time, because I have no doubt that Nora Roberts will inspire me to write long, detailed posts, one of which will almost certainly need to involve Photoshop.
  • Mermaid Week or Unicorn Week or Some Other Mythological Creature Week – I don’t know what I would say about these things.  Just they probably deserve a week or something, right?

Hipster Ariel would never admit it, but she thinks Mermaid Week is a great idea.

P.S. Hipster Disney Princesses is MY FAVORITE THING

  • Olympics Week, I am just realizing, would have been very appropriate for this week.  I usually get really into the summer Olympics but this year…not so much.  I blame my television, for not having any channels on it any more.
  • How Can I Get the Drawers in the Dresser I Bought at the Salvation Army To Not Smell? Week Seriously – I cleaned them, sprayed them with bleach, let them sit in the sun for ages, and put sachets I made out of baking soda wrapped in knee highs in the drawers and still, there is a reek.  How can I get the drawers in the dresser I bought at the Salvation Army to not smell?

I dunno why but I really believed these would work.

If I don’t pick a theme soon, I’m this close to just changing the name of this blog to Otter Babies and Ice Cream Sandwiches, and everyday I will post a picture of an otter baby and eat an ice cream sandwich, the latter of which you will not really get to experience through the blog but you will know it is happening.

Did I mention yet that THIS OTTER IS HOLDING ANOTHER OTTER?

Holding. Another. Otter.

Crushing it!

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I was going to save this one for later in the week, but let’s talk TV Crushes – those characters that get inside your brain and keep you coming back week after week after week for more, sometimes to shows that aren’t even very good.

Here we go: My Biggest TV Character Crushes!

  • Karl “Helo” Agathon, Battlestar Galactica – see, he’s the reason this one got bumped to earlier in the week, because this is it: the week I finally finish BSG, learn who the final Cylon is and try to control myself from lovingly stroking my laptop screen every time Helo’s face comes on it.  I mean, in terms  of personality and character development, he’s certainly not the most well-developed on BSG.  He is the strong and silent type, enjoys taking the moral high road when given the choice and cuts a pretty romantic figure what with his entire plot-line that I won’t spoil for you, but there are long stretches where he doesn’t do much but walk around and press buttons and call out military orders, you know?  Still though:

So say we all: YOWZA!

  • Pacey Witter, Dawson’s Creek – I mean, obviously.

Obviously

  •  Logan Echolls, Veronica Mars – Something about a bad boy with a vulnerable side. He started out as such an obnoxious asshole of a character and managed to turn into one of the most lovable and heartbreaking TV characters I have ever known.  I used to marvel at his face’s incredibly capacity for expressing emotions, particularly longing and pain.  Plus he’s very tall and broad and boy did he love Veronica.

Love the necklace, especially.

  • Mr. Bates, Downton Abbey – He’s not the best looking on this list, and yes, he’s a bit crippled (but as Anna says, “not very crippled”).  But ask yourself – did he kill his wife?  You know he didn’t, because he is the best man in the entire world, EVER.

Yeah, I went for it instead of a photograph.

  • Luke Danes, Gilmore Girls – Holy smokes, guys, I think we’ve just traced “my type” back to its origin.

I also like his personality, in case you were wondering.

  • Rupert Giles, Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Okay, okay, when I originally watched this show my crush was Xander and then Spike but honestly, I always knew that I found Giles sexy even when I was 15 years old.  He has a core of bad-ass and scholar, wrapped in a tweed waist-coat; the librarian in me swoons.

His nickname as a youthful miscreant was “Ripper” but now he is a school librarian!

  • Zach Morris – All those schemes and the ability to stop time and that blond blond hair.  Siiiiigh.

‘Sup, Preppy?

  • Eric Gotts, Wonderfalls – Mostly it’s just his face, but a little bit about how nice he is and what an amazingly, exceptionally good show Wonderfalls is.

Save him from her!

  • Ned the Pie Maker, Pushing Daisies – 1. He makes pies 2. He’s wonderful 3. He cannot touch people and it’s the saddest thing. 4. He makes pies.

Oh to be Lonely Tourist Charlotte Charles.

  • Cappie, Greek – My biggest EVER TV crush, did you know?  The “Rob Thomas hair” and the secret smarts and also he loves pie and I cannot do him justice in words, I’ve realized!  I include a Youtube clip of Cappie-lights, which doesn’t even come close to doing him justice either, but unless you go start watching Greek it is the best we’ve got.  Also, you should go start watching Greek.

Might I recommend a Cappie-cino?

So much to look forward to

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17-year-old-me: Umm…I think you meant “so much to which to look forward” right?

Me: Good god, quit!  Sometimes ending a sentence in a preposition isn’t all that painful, and sometimes it just sounds better, and sometimes it’s okay, even if it’s not technically right.  You really annoy me, you know that?  Especially because I am super jealous of you right now.

17-year-old Me: Is it because you think I am smarter, pretty,  more awesome and better at grammar than you and you’re just a boring almost-thirty-year-old?

Me: I think you are 17 and an idiot.

17-year-old-me: Then what?

Me: I’m jealous because you don’t have any idea about all the awesome entertainment that will be coming your way in the next ten years that you still get to experience for the first time.  Like Harry Potter!!!  I’d give anything to read Harry Potter again for the first time.

17-year-old-me:  I saw that book while I was babysitting – for children…because it’s a children‘s book.  When I go to college and onward, I have pretty serious plans to read pretty serious literature.  Are you joking with this Harry Potter stuff?

Me: OMG you just have no idea about anything!

17-year-old-me: What is “OMG”?

Me: OMG you don’t know OMG?  But I am a children‘s librarian, did you forget?  I pretty much only read books for children and teenagers now.  It’s amaaaah-zing.

17-year-old-me:  Why did you right “amazing” like “amaaaaaah-zing”?

Me: It’s from a show you’ll like called Happy Endings. It won’t be on for another eleven years.

17-year-old-me:  Okay, so what else?

Me: Well, you’ll discover YA literature, as discussed.   You’ll get to watch your first cycle of America’s Next Top Model  (you don’t even know how to SMIZE yet)…Veronica Mars season 1…The OC Season 1!  And Downton Abbey – you’ll even make the theme from that one your ringtone!

17-year-old Me: My “ringtone”?

Me: On your cellphone…people have cell phones in your world, you know…get with it.  Then, you still get to see Love Actually in the theater FOUR times.  You will cry very hard for the first 15 minutes of Up.  You will try so hard to figure out if Inception ends in a dream or in reality and you will never ever know!  And the first time you see a trailer for National Treasure?  You’re gonna plotz!  Oh man, plus you will get so excited when you find out that Johnny Depp will be in a pirate movie with ORLANDO BLOOM!

17 year-old Me: Who?

Me: You’ll get to discover ORLANDO BLOOM!  See?

FACT: you will one day cut out and fasten this very magazine page to a bulletin board in your dorm room!

17-year-old Me: Oooooohhhhh…

Me: Just wait till you see him as an elf.  Which means you’ll get to see Lord of the Rings!  And you’ll finally read Lord of the Rings and they are so good.

17-year-old Me: At least I’ve heard of that…

Me: You’ll get to see The Single Ladies [Put a Ring on It] music video and hear Regina Spektor sing Real Love and learn that Otis Redding’s These Arms of Mine is, like, the best song ever! OOHHH – you’ll discover Charlieissocoollike and Alex Day on Youtube!

 

17-year-old-me: Wait, what’s Youtube?

Me: OMG you don’t even have Youtube yet!!!  You are SO LUCKY!!  You’ll get to discover YOUTUBE!!!!  Christian the Lion – Krabstickz’ Nazi Gold – all those Dear Sister parodies -Honey Badger Don’t Care – The Bed Intruder – David After Dentist – Sassy Gay Friend – Charlie Bit Me – Kitty is a Bad Mystic – Twin Baby Boys Having a Conversation – Oo-de-Lally sung in every single language you can imagine!

17-year-old Me: Okay, you need to slow down a lit-

Me: BROTHERHOOD 2.0 HANK AND JOHN GREEN THE VLOGBROTHERS OMG THEY WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!!

17-year-old Me: You aren’t even making sense anymore.

ME: YOU WILL GET TO WATCH THE LAST FIVE FRAKKING MINUTES OF SEASON THREE OF BATTLESTAR GALACTICA AGAIN AND EXPERIENCE THE BEST FIVE FRAKKING MINUTES OF TELEVISION YOU HAVE EVER SEEN OR LIKELY WILL EVER SEE AGAIN!  YOU WILL START OUT NOT KNOWING WHO ANY OF THE CYLONS ARE!!!

17-year-old Me: QUIT IT!!!  Frakking?  Cylons?  You are frakking me out…whatever that means…but I think I probably used it right, right?

Me: Whoa.  Yeah, sorry about that.  I just…got carried away.  You have things to look forward to in the next decade, is what I am saying.

17-year-old Me: That is actually a really nice thing to hear.  I kind of want you to…calmly and less scarily…tell me more…

Me: SPOILERS!  Haha – get it? I mean, of course you don’t get it yet. “Hello Sweetie!!!”  Haha!  River Song!?!?!  Doctor Who!!  DALEKS!!!

17-year-old Me: You’re doing it again.

Me: Sorry!  I meant that I can’t tell you too much – it will spoil it all.  Here is a clip that helped inspire me to do this whole theme week; it also includes John Green who will change your life and the much discussed “Youtube” that you will so enjoy and Battlestar Frakking GalacticaYou only need to watch the first 15 seconds to get my point, unless you want to keep going just because it’s a good interesting video.

 

Back to School Week

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“What exactly happened to the promised Dalek Week and its accompanying posts?” you are likely saying to yourself right now.  “I was really looking forward to it.”

I do not blame you; I was looking forward to it too.  To figure out what happened to Dalek Week,  I think we must consider two possible explanations.

The first: due to a crack in the universe, time has been rewritten, resulting in the loss of entire events, entities, people, etc. from our consciousnesses, including Dalek Week and all posts contained therein.

The second: I was lazy and filled with malaise (malaizy, I am calling it) and did not feel like posting all week, even on a topic that inspires me as much as Daleks.

I will leave you to determine which seems more likely.  Search your heart.

Meanwhile, I have decided to table Dalek Week for another time and officially label this week “Back to School Week”, since this is the week when I go back to school and I suspect very little else will be on my mind. For strangers who read this or people who are not privy to the details of my life, school is where I work (not where I attend or matriculate) as a K-5 elementary library media specialist and technology class teacher.

My thoughts on back to school this year are surprising: I am excited!  I had to miss my entire first week due to fallout from the hurricane, and I was actually upset about it.  For the first time in maybe my entire adult life, I was really looking forward to going back to work after a vacation.

I am not exaggerating when I say this has never, ever happened to me before.  Ever.

Still, I did have a nice couple of extra days off, during which I: went to see Our Idiot Brother and enjoyed it, ate at Harry’s Bar and Burger, watched 6 straight hours of Youtube videos, reread for the tenth time or so a Nora Roberts’ book about (among other things) vampires, and took a four mile walk to Seven Stars’ Bakery for a cheese danish.  These are the kinds of things I do when I get unexpected days off.

I had to take a pause in watching Battlestar Galactica for the time being because the events at the beginning of season 3 were sinking me into a deep depression.  To counteract all that BSG, I decided the remedy I needed was a little BSC.  So I reread Babysitter’s Club #8: Boy-Crazy Stacey and Babysitter’s Club #10: Logan Likes Maryann.

Those were by far my two favorite BSC books when I was a youth, and they certainly did not disappoint.  Particularly since in Boy-Crazy Stacey, she and Maryann go to THE JERSEY SHORE with the Pike family and it was fun to imagine the antics of Snooki et. al.  occuring as a backdrop to the oodles of babysitting and boy drama.

I also went to Zumba class at my gym, which is BSC (Boston Sports Club) but that was not nearly as much fun as the Babysitter’s Club books.

Meanwhile, I am still looking forward to school.  I think this will be my breakout year, during which I discover that I am not only kind of good at my job, but actually pretty good at it.

Meanwhile, Facebook told me this today and it seems super-duper appropriate for Back to School Week here at FauxSpectacles:

On this day in 2009:

N.B. wore her (fake) glasses to school yesterday so everyone could recognize her as a Technology Teacher, which probably worked.

Cylons! [Spoiler FREE!]

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Today’s Covers-themed post may be a stretch – it really pushes the bounds of credibility insofar as it relates to our week’s theme of Covers.  I just do not care, because I have to talk about it:

Frakkin’ Battlestar Galactica, man.  How good is that show?

[So good, is how good]

Now for those of you unfamiliar with the premise, it is this (the parts in parentheses I have added, the rest is taken from the intro to the show):

The Cylons were created by man (they are robots, like). They evolved (understatement).  They rebelled (16 years ago, but now they’re back).  They look and feel human. Some are programmed to think they are human (tragic!).  There are many copies (of each model of Cylon, of which there are 12).  They have a plan (and I still do not know what that plan is!!!).

Cylons, see, look like people.  They have – wait for it – covers they must maintain.  They come with back stories and false identities, like spies.  Like robot spies, which is extra-amazing-awesome as far as I am concerned.  The whole series is a masterpiece of edge-of-your seat storytelling, in part because it is well-plotted and action-packed and filled with awesome, complex characters.  But also, it is because you just do not know who is a Cylon and who is not, but you know there are at least enough more to equal 12!  I mean, we all THINK we know who is not a Cylon – “Commander Adama could NEVER be a Cylon blah blah blah” – but really, you JUST DO NOT KNOW.

Lately in my life, I have become a person who falls asleep during movies and television.  Good movies, bad movies, movies I have never seen before, movies that I have watched a million times: doesn’t matter, if I try to watch just about anything I am asleep within minutes.  BSG, on the other hand, sees me watching like this, oftentimes at late-night 3 a.m.-type hours. This is a staged photograph, sure, but I am not joking- this is what I really look like while I am watching the show.

No....no...no way...

Then this is what I generally look like after the revelation of certain characters as Cylons, most particularly the fourth and the sixth persons to be revealed as Cylons (not to be confused with “Number Six” who is the sixth model of Cylon, but who was the first person revealed to be a Cylon in the chronology of the show).

NO WAY! NO WAY!

Apart from looking crazy, all this Battlestar Galactica has me acting a little mental as well.  For one, I have been watching the show at an unsustainable pace.  I am six days into my obsession and I am almost done with season 2.  If I continue at the current pace, I will finish the entire series in something like twelve days, which is a short amount of time in which to finish four seasons of an hour-long show.

Also, I started talking to the show, which has been on occasion overheard by my sister.  Like when I shouted, “Oh my god, why don’t you be douches about it?” when some characters were not being very nice to a character I like, and she replied, “What was that?” and I said, “Uhh…I’m talking to the show,” and she said, “Yeah.  I could tell.”.   The good news is no one overheard me cat-calling one of the characters the see-you-next-Tuesday word during a recent episode – it was not my finest moment, not by a long shot.

And also, I started writing down the word Cylon when I find myself in a position to doodle.  My sister (who has had to bear witness to all of this craziness, plus dodge spoilers from me because I just want to TALK ABOUT IT, and endure my ceaseless recommendation that she just start watching) found a sketchpad of mine onto which I had written CYLON in block bubble letters, as well as choice phrases like, “jam the system” – I think it disturbed her a little.

maybe I'M a cylon!

Anyway, in addition to all the suspense and action and awesomeness, there are a number of handsome fellas on the show, which always helps to hold the interest.  My favorite, at least looks-wise but also I like him, is Helo.  I have already posted this on facebook, but it is important enough that it bears repeating here because WOW is he attractive:

helllllloooooo

Okay, this has been sufficiently long, especially given its very tenuous tie to this week’s theme.  Anyway, if I am going to finish the entire series in record time, I have to get going; I haven’t even watched ANY episodes yet today.