Look what you did, you little jerk.

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Christmas Movie Week…go!

Home Alone is the Christmas movie I watched tonight.  Here is some stuff you need to know about Home Alone:

  • It is still the highest-grossing comedy of all time, at least according to IMDB.  Crazy, am I right?  Also, I learned that Mrs. Doubtfire is the 6th-highest-grossing comedy of all time and 3 Men and a Baby is the 17th-highest-grossing comedy of all time, and that both of those are ahead of ALL the Adam Sandler movies.  This sort of renews my faith in humanity, but makes me question my faith in humanity at the same time.
  • If I had been left home alone, things would not have gone down the way they did.  For starters, when I realized I was home alone I would almost certainly have called the police myself and they would have taken me somewhere safe or had cops checking in on me all the time or something.  I was always very skeptical about the police’s lack of interest in Kevin’s situation; even when I was 8, I thought that had the ring of unrealistically convenient for the the story.  Now, in the odd event that I hadn’t done that, then at the very least I would have called the police BEFORE 9 p.m. and had them show up when Harry and Marv’s were just starting to break and enter.  No hilarious shenanigans, sure, but also no risk of accidentally committing manslaughter or riling up two criminals into a murderous rage.  I’ve thought about this a lot over the past two decades.
  • Another thing that I am sure has bothered us all: how did Harry and Marv not die?  I still think they would have died
  • Another thing that really bothered me tonight: when the police come to pick up Harry and Marv at Kevin’s neighbors’ house, do they not wonder to themselves, “Hey!  The man who lives here called us to report this crime!  Where is he now?  Also, how did these men get so many comical injuries all over them?  And for another thing, how did they come be unconscious? How has the water in this house been running for what would appear to be days if they were only robbing the house tonight?”  I think real police might have looked into things a little further, is all I am saying.
  • When Kevin McAllister finally gets that cheese pizza all to himself, I totally grok that.  I’m all,  “Kevin, dude, is that not the best feeling IN THE WORLD?  Being like an adult and being like, yeah, this whole cheese pizza is just for me and who’s going to do anything about it?  Oh yeah, NO ONE.”  I still experience this feeling, sometimes when I order whole cheese pizzas just for myself, sometimes when I put clothes I can’t afford on my credit card, sometimes when I stay up till 2 a.m. on a week night just because I can.  Being a mature adult living on her own is the best.
  • Stand-up comedians have things to say about Home Alone too because it is one of the movies of our generation:

Aziz Ansari mentions Home Alone and also Joe Pesci:

He also tweeted these last week:

We would be BFFs, me and Aziz.

Also John Mulaney at 1:09 gives his perspective on Home Alone 2: Lost in New York:

  • Finally: which of the awful things that happens to Harry and Marv makes you cringe the most?   Although it probably doesn’t hurt as much as a paint can to the face, etc., I think the part when a barefoot Marv lands on all the delicate glass ornaments upsets me the most;  my second worst is the nail in Marv’s foot.  Blergh – foot stuff just gives me the heebie-jeebies!!!

Now, watch the video below to refresh your memory of the pain and humiliation Harry and Marv suffer, and tell me which one would upset you the most in the comments!

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