At this point I think it’s obvious, but Fictional Crushes Week is actually going to be Fictional Crushes Two Weeks, because I quit blogging halfway through last week for no reason at all. Literally no reason – it’s not like I do anything with my time these days besides absolutely nothing.
Today is going to be Fictional Crushes: BOOKS.
Book crushes are tricky, because I want to share images of these guys but it turns out that none of them will be from picture books so I find myself with a problem. I’ve decided the solution is to use a mix of fan art (YES THAT’S RIGHT! Gird yourselves for some serious manga-inspired drawings, friends) and where that doesn’t work, pictures of celebrities culled from my imaginary casting couch.
Also fair warning – probably most or all of these will be teenagers. Maybe you will think that is weird of me, but at least some of the crushes come from when I was a teenager and anyway, I don’t read books with characters older than 20 so…yeah.
My Biggest Literary Character Crushes!!!
- Atreyu, The Neverending Story – The hugeness of the 13-year-old me’s crush on Atreyu (and I tell you it was HUGE) sort of freaks me out – it probably bordered on genuine insanity, but at I guess if it helped me cope with the torment that was middle school it’s okay? Atreyu is still a very appealing figure to me (aged in my mind to 28, since we were the same age in 1997 after all) – stoic, brave, loyal, tough, nature-oriented, into saving the environment. The movie did not do him justice, because he is supposed to be green. Literally, green.
- Cornelius “Neely” Nolan, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn – This book is set in early 20th century Brooklyn, and Neely is attired according to the times. I will be frank: this is how I pictured Neely Nolan and this is why I had a giant crush on him when I read this book even though he’s not a hugely developed character:
- Nathaniel Eaton, The Witch of Blackbird Pond – First of all, he is described as tall, wiry and blond which was about all it took for me to have a crush on someone when I was 13. Plus he is funny and friendly and incredibly dependable, and I love how, as a sailor, he exists outside the Puritanical social structures that sometimes make young adult love stories set in pre-Revolutionary New England so unsatisfying (I’m talking to you, Bridie of the Wild Rose Inn by Jennifer Armstrong). Also he is hard to find a picture of, since there are no fan arts and googling “cute blond colonial man” gave me nothing (I genuinely tried that). You must therefore picture him as some combination of Heath Ledger in The Patriot and Ryan Gosling as Young Hercules.
- Peeta Mellark, The Hunger Games – I love how he retained such a genuine sweetness in the midst of such a brutal world, but he did it without seeming like a naive fool. That is a difficult line to walk and the boy with the bread does it perfectly.
- Captain Wentworth, Persuasion – An adult at last and another sea-faring man! I quote for you: “You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope.” I mean, sigh, am I right?
Also, it bears mentioning that I designed that Captain Wentworth using THIS REGENCY HERO DRESS UP DOLL interactive thing and it was the single funnest ten minutes I’ve spent in awhile. (Sad life?)
- Ron Weasley, Harry Potter – I cannot really put why I love Ron so much into words. He uses inappropriate humor to try to diffuse tense situations and he’s always eating, which are things I like. He’s funny and for the most part he is incredibly loyal and I love a ginger and I dunno what it is, but my collection of homemade Ron Weasley t-shirts are certainly a testament to the fact that this crush is for real. (p.s. SO MANY Ron Weasley fan arts to choose from!!!)
- Sean Kendrick, The Scorpio Races – Sean Kendrick is 19, which feels very significantly less weird than having a crush on someone who is 16 especially since he is frequently described as “the oldest 19 year old” anyone in the story seems to have ever met. He cuts a very romantic figure – all sharp features, strong and silent, with “one foot on land and another in the sea” (I seem to really have a thing for sea-faring men, yeah?) and he is very talented at riding the horse-monsters, which is what this book is about. READ IT because it is totally good. Also, I cannot help but picture Sean Kendrick in an Irish fisherman’s sweater, which is one of my favorite ways to picture men.
- Eugenides (“Gen”) – The Thief, The Queen of Attolia, etc. – Gen is a mix of humor, intensity, and cleverness. He is deeply flawed and yet completely winsome. He is written and developed BRILLIANTLY by Megan Whalen Turner throughout the series of books that may just be my favorite books of all time. There are things I want to say about Gen that would be too spoiler-y, so just trust me that he’s the greatest and then go on and read those books yourself because did I mention that they are possibly my favorite books of all time?
You know when you’re like, wait, it’s after 2:00 PM right now?!? And you realize that literally all you’ve done today is write this ridiculous blog post, brew and drink a cup of coffee and try on all your clothes?
That’s when you know it’s time for a burrito. And also maybe a shower.