“Foods For Which I Am Thankful Week”: combining all the gluttony of traditional Thanksgiving feasting with the feelings of thankfulness that I suppose are meant to accompany the meal.
Today’s food for which I am thankful is mayonnaise.
As a child, I did not care for mayonnaise. I could comprehend neither its texture nor its flavor, and that was before I even learned that it was made of naught but oil and eggs. My sandwich condiment of choice was always mustard and of course when dipping things (even steak!) I went for ketchup.
Not so anymore. There are few things in life as divine as a sandwich (turkey, bacon, roast beef, whatever) on toast, with lettuce, juicy ripe tomato and mayonnaise. The secrets to making this the greatest thing ever are that the tomato must be juicy, in season and salted and that you should use a whole lot of mayonnaise. The tomato and the mayonnaise will mix together to form a concoction so delicious that even the staunchest of haters will reverse their position on mayonnaise.
Other things you should know about mayonnaise:
- Mayonnaise NOT Miracle Whip
- My sister Tessa used to eat mayonnaise sandwiches as a child, which grossed me out then, as it was back when I was freaked out by mayonnaise. Now it sounds like it probably would be alright.
- Dipping things in mayonnaise is also pretty good, like sweet potato fries and regular fries and parsnip fries. Basically anything “fries” is good in mayonnaise.
- You ever listen to Otis Reddings’ “White Christmas” version? Because boy does it sound like he is saying “mayonnaise be merry and bright” and I once spent several ridiculous minutes agonizing over what else he could possibly be saying if not “mayonnaise”
- This is my favorite delivery of the word “mayonnaise” ever committed to film (please to disregard the inappropriate language and imagery vis a vis Richard Gere’s skull and make it to minute 1:03 to hear what I mean):