The figure of the ocarina looms large in the iconography of my King Richard’s Faire memories, which are all about a decade old and overwhelmingly positive (joyful, even).

Indeed, ask anyone who talked to me in the days prior to my recent trip to the Faire, and they will be able to tell you that I said,  “I can buy an OCARINA!” (in addition to saying, “I can eat a giant turkey leg!” and “I am going to rent a costume…should I be a wench?  It’s probably cheaper, but I really want to be a princess!!”).

It is funny, because at K-Rick’s Faire, they sell all kinds of shit, like flower garlands and jerkins and fairy headdresses and broad swords and hyssop and chain mail and corsets and really bad fantasy dragon art and even furry clip-on tails, but the main thing I remember from my two visits there are the ocarinas.

Meanwhile, I didn’t end up renting a costume because it was like 80 degrees and humid and all the costumes felt damp.  I had to put down the fairy headdress that made me look like the White Witch of Narnia (seriously) because it was 50 dollars.

And while I did get a giant turkey leg, I am about 75% sure I found an actual pubic hair on it  (maybe it was a beard hair?  Let it please be a beard hair!!!) so an awful lot of turkey leg went into the trash and I have bad memories of that meal.

But I DID buy an ocarina!  Honestly, I was going to video myself playing some sick Hobbit tunes or something and post it for you, but it turns out the 10 dollar four-hole ocarina is sort poorly pitched and no matter how much I practice, it just don’t sound no good.

I was then going to take a photo of myself playing the ocarina to give an idea of how it looks, but I am all sweaty and it turns out that Ocarina-face is pretty unattractive.

So I have included this picture instead, which is pretty much what I look like while I am playing my ocarina anyway.

god, I can't stand that Ganondorf!

Now I must go practice – I’ve got it so I can just about recognize the Harry Potter tune as an actual melody with the almost right notes!


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